Jonah Hex

Jonah Hex is a wild-west action movie with some supernatural and science fiction elements, and it is safe to say that it failed on every one of those levels. It was almost as if director Jimmy Hayward and writing duo Mark Neveldine/Brian Taylor purposely made this movie as bad as possible. The film is only about 80 minutes long, but the boring narrative, terrible writing, and repetitive, incoherent action sequences do all they can to make sure you’re counting down every second until the film is over.

The story follows Jonah Hex, a former soldier seeking revenge on the man who killed his family and left him for dead. Through his near-death experience, he gained the ability to speak with the dead. This concept could have made for an interesting supernatural twist on a classic western story, but instead, it just adds to the stupidity of the entire thing. Throughout the movie, we are subjected to increasingly ridiculous plot points and set pieces to the point where you’re numb to anything that happens to these characters. For example, the bad guy plans to use a giant cannon to destroy the capital of the United States. This is presented in such an absurd manner that you can’t help but laugh.

The only positive thing about the movie is Josh Brolin. Brolin is a very talented actor, and it’s clear that he’s trying as hard as he can to get through the train wreck that is this movie. Same goes with John Malkovich and Michael Fassbender, both very talented actors who don’t deserve to be in a movie this bad. Megan Fox, on the other hand, seems right at home amongst the awfulness. Fox has a very limited acting range that is amplified only by the terrible dialogue that the actors are forced to spew through their mouths. She is obviously only used as eye-candy to get teenage boys into the theater, but judging by the movie’s utter failure at the American box office, her looks are not the draw the studio is hoping they’ll be.

Jonah Hex is a terrible movie through and through, with no redeeming qualities to speak of. The film is so short that you’re left feeling cheated out of your money, and it’s so empty that you’ll forget about it in just a few days. Do yourself a favor and skip this one.

F