Jonah Hex

Jonah Hex is a wild-west action movie with some supernatural and science fiction elements, and it is safe to say that it failed on every one of those levels. It was almost as if director Jimmy Hayward and writing duo Mark Neveldine/Brian Taylor purposely made this movie as bad as possible. The film is only about 80 minutes long, but the boring narrative, terrible writing, and repetitive, incoherent action sequences do all they can to make sure you’re counting down every second until the film is over.

The story follows Jonah Hex, a former soldier seeking revenge on the man who killed his family and left him for dead. Through his near-death experience, he gained the ability to speak with the dead. This concept could have made for an interesting supernatural twist on a classic western story, but instead, it just adds to the stupidity of the entire thing. Throughout the movie, we are subjected to increasingly ridiculous plot points and set pieces to the point where you’re numb to anything that happens to these characters. For example, the bad guy plans to use a giant cannon to destroy the capital of the United States. This is presented in such an absurd manner that you can’t help but laugh.

The only positive thing about the movie is Josh Brolin. Brolin is a very talented actor, and it’s clear that he’s trying as hard as he can to get through the train wreck that is this movie. Same goes with John Malkovich and Michael Fassbender, both very talented actors who don’t deserve to be in a movie this bad. Megan Fox, on the other hand, seems right at home amongst the awfulness. Fox has a very limited acting range that is amplified only by the terrible dialogue that the actors are forced to spew through their mouths. She is obviously only used as eye-candy to get teenage boys into the theater, but judging by the movie’s utter failure at the American box office, her looks are not the draw the studio is hoping they’ll be.

Jonah Hex is a terrible movie through and through, with no redeeming qualities to speak of. The film is so short that you’re left feeling cheated out of your money, and it’s so empty that you’ll forget about it in just a few days. Do yourself a favor and skip this one.

F

Toy Story 3

In Hollywood, second sequels are notorious for almost never living up to the quality of the first two movies. If anybody could break that mold, it would be Pixar. Toy Story 3 is such a perfect mix of humor, action, and pure emotion, that it could very well be Pixar's best since the first Toy Story.

Pixar has always excelled at working adult themes into their movies, and Toy Story 3 is no exception. While children will be caught up in the more simple, humorous aspects of the film, the themes about growing up and mortality will definitely resonate with adults.

Although it is heavy with emotion, there is also a lot of great humor and high-octane action. The film opens with a larger-than-life reenactment of the beginning of the first film, and it sets the tone perfectly. There are plenty of great action sequences, and the climax of the film takes place within the incinerator of a trash dump, and it's quite terrifying, no matter how old you are.

The ending is both beautiful and heartbreaking, and the tears you will inevitably shed are bittersweet. The Toy Story series is Pixar's greatest creation, and director Lee Unkrich provides a perfect ending to a saga spanning 15 years.

Toy Story 3 is without a doubt, the best film I have seen so far this year, and if any animated film ever deserves to win Best Picture at this year's Oscars, this is the one to do it. Do yourself, your childhood, and your heart a huge favor, and go see this movie.

A++

(yes, I made up a new rating to give to this film, because it deserves more than an A+)

The A-Team

I went into the A-Team with little to no expectations. I don't want to say I was disappointed, but I wasn't exactly blown away either. I'm going to say this: The most excited I ever got in the entire movie was when Jon Hamm (Mad Men's Don Draper) made an appearance at the end. Make of that what you will.

The best part of the cast (and possibly, the movie), by far, was Sharlto Copley. Copley was unknown until he starred in last year's fantastic District 9. I was so glad to see him cast in a big Hollywood movie, and he did not disappoint. He brought the most life to the movie.

The movie itself, however, was very by-the-numbers. There were plenty of big, ridiculous action set pieces, which start to get old very quickly. We are asked to suspend disbelief so many times throughout the movie that after a while, these action scenes become boring and tedious.

The A-Team can be compared in many ways to The Losers, which I loved. The A-Team might have had a bigger budget and better special effects, but what The Losers lacked in those departments, it more than made up for with a fantastic cast and a lot of heart.

All in all, the A-Team isn't bad, but it's not very memorable. Unless you really have a desire to see it, you're really not missing out on much.

C+

Splice

Splice is a movie that is somewhat difficult for me to review. There were things that I loved about it, and there were things that disturbed me to my very core.

I'll start with what I loved. Adrien Brody and Sarah Polley both give fantastic performances. The movie is very well-written with some great dark-humor moments, and the special effects are top-notch (no surprise, considering Pan's Labyrinth director Guillermo del Toro was the executive producer).

Now, what disturbed me. I don't want to reveal much, but I'm going to tell you that the movie takes a very twisted sexual turn about two-thirds through. In setting the tone for this scene, Natali either succeeded greatly or failed miserably, because the entire theater was laughing in shock and disbelief. If he was playing it serious, it didn't work, but if he was going for darkly comic and crazy, he hit the nail on the head.

Splice is a hard one to recommend, because reactions on both ends are going to be very strong. You either get it or you don't. The reason I didn't post this review earlier is because I had to take some time to really think about the movie and my opinion. I've come to the conclusion that underneath all of the weirdness, there really is a brilliant film there.

A-

Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time

Another year, another big-budget Jerry Bruckheimer action movie. This time around we have Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time, an video game adaptation starring Jake Gyllenhaal as the titular Prince.

No, wait! Come back! It's alright!

When I first heard that Gyllenhaal was going to be playing Prince Dastan, I was pretty put-off of the whole thing. It just didn't seem right. An all-American actor playing a Middle-Eastern hero just didn't fit. After seeing the movie, I was pleasantly surprised with his performance. He definitely proved himself as a swashbuckling action hero.

As for the rest of the movie, it was a pretty standard story about betrayal and revenge in a royal family. There was really nothing we haven't seen before. The good guys are good, the bad guys are bad, and the comic relief is, well, comical.

Prince of Persia could be considered a successful video game adaptation by default, since it isn't terrible like almost all other adaptations are. I just didn't expect to enjoy it as much as I did. If you're looking for some lighthearted summer action reminiscent of Pirates of the Caribbean, you'll probably be pretty satisfied with Prince of Persia. I know I was.

B